I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
