We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
