is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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