this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
