Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
