Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
