We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize