TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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