i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
