Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
