Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
