Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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