do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I want is dick and wine.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
