she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
