Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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