that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
