I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
