Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
is wine microwaveable?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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