I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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