I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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