She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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