Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
