I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
