I wannas sexs uuuuu
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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