you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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