I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
