glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
