I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize