Kiss
Puke
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
