guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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