You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
