So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
