what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
