so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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