I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
