i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
