Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
