There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
