All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
