I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
