Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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