fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
