i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
