Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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