I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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