i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
