Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
