OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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