apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
