After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
