Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
