thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize