My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
