i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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