Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
