Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
