My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
