Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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