My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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