Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
