It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
