I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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