I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
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