I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
