i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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