I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
