I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
