i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
