Duck Duck Cougar?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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