hotel room ftw
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
