my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
