I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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