That's intense
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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