Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
