exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
