at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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