her vagina looked like bernie madoff
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
