Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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