Acid is not a monday night drug
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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