Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
