Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
