today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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