He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
