Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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