You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
