Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
