I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
