so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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