ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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