So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
