My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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