woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
