By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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