apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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