We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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