I puked a lego.
My hand turned me down
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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